Anxiety: the silent thief robbing you of joy

Do you suffer anxiety? I do. Some of my friends do. Most of the chronic pain sufferers I met do. I think a lot more of us do than we realise. Some people suffer in silence. Some people don’t actually know that it’s anxiety they are feeling until someone points it out to them. Some people are scared to admit it to themselves that It’s anxiety. 

Anxiety is debilitating. It will rob you of joy. It takes away your enthusiasm for life. It takes away your confidence. It eats away at your ability to function, and the more you worry about it, the more that it takes away.

I have got ready to go out shopping, packed the baby into the car and driven half way to the shopping centre, only to panic, turn around and come home. And cry. That’s what anxiety does. 

I have sat looking at my phone, practicing what I would say for hours but unable to pick up the phone, because I was too scared to call a hairdresser to make an appointment.  That’s anxiety.

I’ve gotten so worked up about talking to a new Doctor about my condition that I’ve vomited before the appointment. That’s anxiety.

I’ve worked myself up into a frenzy thinking about how much going out of the house will hurt that I’ve cancelled plans and stayed home instead. So many times. That’s anxiety. 

Any of these sound familiar? Of course, these are just some of my triggers for anxiety so someone else's might be completely different. My anxiety goes through stages of being totally debilitating, to being mild and under control. Sometimes it’s triggered by an event, or an episode, and sometimes I just can't explain it. Recently I spoke to a new doctor who was incredibly rude to me and belittled me. I walked out of her surgery in tears and it took me hours to calm down. This 10 minute encounter triggered my anxiety for weeks and I withdrew into myself, hardly left the house and stopped contacting my friends and family. That’s what anxiety does to me. 

I hate it when my anxiety gets the better of me. I hate it when I can't shake it off and it takes over my life. It's hard to reign in. I don't have a magic solution to share with you, unfortunately. I can be honest though and admit that I still struggle with my anxiety, almost daily. In fact I can't really remember a day where I didn't feel anxious about something on some level. I do see a psychologist about it though and she has given me some coping mechanisms to help me avoid anxiety spiraling into full on panic. 

Whenever I hear someone has anxiety or depression my heart goes out to them, because not only do I know what they are going through, but I know the weight of those words. Their tone is hushed, words spoken quickly followed by a plead - ‘please don't tell anyone’, like it's a weakness to hide. I know that feeling because I've felt that way too. It’s a terrible shame that we feel that we have to be embarrassed, it's awful to think people who need help are avoiding it because it they are terrified to admit something is wrong for fear of judgement. Sadly, it is true that some people, employers especially, view these conditions unfavorably, and this only compounds the problem – can you imagine how many people have anxiety over being ‘found out’ that they have anxiety?

Even though being honest about our struggles flies in the face of the current trend of only sharing the good times and beautiful photos on social media, we need to be real and tell each other about the hard times too. When I tell someone I've been struggling with anxiety and depression I'm amazed at how often they say ‘me too!’. Opening up and being honest is actually a wonderful thing, and a huge weight off my shoulders. As the old saying goes ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’; so be brave – share your story because you never know who it will help more, you…or someone else who might be struggling.