I wish you could see...

To the friend who tells me that it doesn't look like there is anything wrong with me, there are a few things I wish you could see.

I wish you could see the gritted teeth behind my smile while we chat happily. I'm trying to ignore my pain and concentrate on what you are saying.

I wish you could see the little signs that my pain is getting too much, like the way I rub my leg, or shift around in my seat, or the nervous way I twist my hair to distract myself from the burning pain radiating from my back down my leg.

I wish you could see the knot in my stomach from knowing I'll have to cut our visit short and go home, even though I've been lonely and am desperate for some adult conversation.

I wish you could see how long it takes me to recover from our little catch up, the extra pain killers I take, that I have to lie down the rest of the day, and tell my daughter I can't play with her.

I wish you could see the limp that I'll get from the intense pain by the end of the day, the bad night sleep I'll have, and the whole body ache I'll wake up with in the morning.

Most of all I wish you could see how much pain I am willing to be in so we can still hang out because I value our friendship so much. So please don't trivialise my pain just because you can't see it.