The surprisingly good things about my chronic pain

Since I started blogging about chronic pain, I've shared a lot about the painful and sad side of my disability. I've talked about the struggles of my day to day life and how this impacts me as a parent. But the thing is, my day to day life isn't always doom and gloom. I have bad days, probably more than most, but I have a lot of good days too. I do have joy in my life - so I want to share with you some of the good things I have discovered about having chronic pain.

Here goes...

I get to be at home with my kids. I love my children very much, and as much as I loved my career, being a mum is my favourite job – hands down. I love that I get to see their beautiful faces all day every day, and to be there for every special moment. It's not exactly how I would have planned to be a stay at home mum, but being in chronic pain means that I get to stay home and watch my daughters grow up. If I didn't have pain I would be at work, so when I feel down about my situation, or not being able to return to work, I think how lucky I am that I can stay home with my girls.

My children learn to be independent at an earlier age. My physical limitations mean they have learnt skills for themselves and independence earlier. I can't be there to climb on equipment with them so they learn to climb it on their own or not to do it. Charlotte’s learnt about getting snacks or filling up water bottles for herself. I've made snacks accessible so that she can get them herself, and she knows how to use the water fountain in the fridge door. She has had to cope with my injury since she was small so she has learnt to be resilient.

My daughter already has empathy at such a young age. Despite only being three, she can see when I am in severe pain, or upset, and is very caring and considerate of me, trying to find things that will make me happy and giving me extra cuddles and kisses. She often pats my left leg and asks if it is my bad leg, and I tell her yes, and then pats my right leg and says ‘this is your happy leg though!’. Her view on the world is beautiful, and her sweet and caring soul makes me smile when I just want to cry.

It's made my husband and I much closer. My husband willingly gave up his career so he could stay at home and be around for me and the kids. He sees me at my worst and still loves me. He knows almost as soon as I do that my pain is getting too much. We are so much closer than we ever were before, and I'm so thankful that I have him by my side.

My priorities have changed. I used to be very career oriented and ambitious. It was easy to get swept into the consumeristic cycle of buying more and more stuff, thinking it would bring happiness. Now I focus on my family and my health. I don't care that I wear cheap Kmart clothes rather than expensive clothes from department stores (actually Kmart is my favourite shop now!). Instead of focusing on getting a promotion like I used to, I invest my time researching things that might help my condition or things that can help me raise my kids the best I can. I suspect that this change in focus would probably have happened after having children anyway, but as I've pointed out before – I have no idea what being a parent is like without having chronic pain.

I really understand the importance of spending money on quality items that are important to my health. For me these are things like proper shoes, supportive mattresses, even cars that make driving easier with my pain. I'm willing to pay more for the items for myself and my family that will have a positive effect on our health.

I don't take my health for granted like I used to. I'm aware of how much worse my situation could be, how much other people suffer with less support than I have, and it helps me keep grounded. I'm also acutely aware of how my condition will most likely worsen with age, so I try to appreciate the health that I have at the moment. 

I can understand medical jargon more than I used to. Because of all the research I have done into my various conditions I can understand the medical term the doctors are using during their consultations. I’ve even been asked a few times from nurses and physios if I have a medical background, and have admitted it's just from the amount of times I've interacted with doctors. It does help, and I have found that some doctors respond a bit better when they realise I'm not a complete novice.

Most of all I've realised that I am stronger than I thought and can endure more than I ever imagined. My strength is obviously not physical, but I put myself last a lot so I can raise my family the best I can, even when the pain is demanding precedence. When I found out the news that my pain was permanent I was a mess, and couldn't think more than a few days or a week ahead because the thought of a future in constant pain scared me so much. Now I can look forward knowing that even though I am in pain I am lucky enough to spend my life with my amazing husband watching our girls grow up. Can't complain about that.